Reflections
by Zombie Kitty
Summary: 4 Parter CatKiraDani fiction reflecting on Cat's emotions from just after Kira's trip to stasis, set just before Kidnapped. COMPLETED!
1. Flash back I Rememberance

**Disclaimer: **You think I'd be sat here writing fanfics in England several hours before the first day of year 11 if I owned this masterpiece? please I'd be in Austrialia getting the movie and series 9 filmed!

Right the time is 10:54pm and this is a special treat for Alex (Boogle) after her begging earlier tonight for another Cat/Kira fiction so here it is I started the copy up weeks ago but heres the finished and now posted chapter 1 (And you stopped me doing my English/ICT hw for a hour so YAY) err yeah... read on and review (reads it myself: agh I really should stop writing my fictions at 3am)

**Reflections**

Flash Back I – Remembrance

Cat laid on his bunk, cradling his 1 week old kitten in his arms, life felt like a dream and for the first time since they lost Red Dwarf he had gotten out his link to how he had coped with Kira's "death" – his folk guitar. He lifted it up and sat it on his knee in front of Dani, he strummed a few bars experimentally as he tuned it then began to gently play to Dani, who was gurgling in delight. He automatically began to play and hum to one of the first songs he had ever heard – "Time Of Your Life" by a 21st rock and pop band called Green Day.

Not many people knew he could play the guitar, just him and now Dani, probably the others as the ship was only small – which was one reason he had never played anymore. He approached the favourite part of the song – the music break – though it wasn't the same without the violin, but he enjoyed it anyway.

As he played he began to reminisce of how he came across the guitar and why…

It was just after Kira was put in stasis due to her potentially fatal illness. Cat had been mooching suicidally through the cargo bays, once he was out of Holly's supervision zone he had collapsed onto the floor in anguish. He reached out and punched a hole in a random box in anger, through the hole he could see a whole bunch of shiny things. He opened the box and lifter out a circle, silver item. He picked it up and read the letters; "D. E. N. V. E. R… Denver." – Odd. His finger pressed accidentally against on of the few buttons on the device, causing a loud noise to blast from "Denver", followed by the words "DON'T WANNA BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT!" Cat jumped in fright and fiddled with the buttons till the sound ceased. He stared in shock, his heart beating wildly. He moved his thumb and found a catch which he flicked. The silver case opened to reveal a shiny round disk with the words "Green Day – American Idiot" printed on one side. Cat decided this must be like the Rasta Billy crap that monkey listened to and put "Denver" on the floor as he rooted in the box full of nice, shiny but dusty things, he blew the dust away from a case and sprayed it with his little scent can that he then placed it back in the pocket of his jacket, next to his mirror that he normally would have brought out by now, though he hadn't felt inclined to look at his own reflection in ages, the only face he wanted to see was Kira's – frozen in a half dead state in stasis didn't count to him.

Cat wiped away a tear and after a moment finally managed to open the fiddly clasp on the case he had claimed, when he had succeeded in doing so he placed the disk from "Denver" into the case and closed it carefully inside, he placed it back in the box and continued to root around, eventually picking up another album entitled "International Super Hits" he after a moment decided he should use his claws and released and flexed them for the first time in years, he opened the case with much more ease than before and slipped the disk into "Denver"

He jumped in shock at the blaring music again but soon found the volume control as well as the skip button, he stood with the playing device in his hand flicking through each track, soon loosing interest in each one.

Eventually some soft guitar music wafted into his ears, he listened to the intro, his finger poised over "skip" but moved it away as words that sounded as beautiful as when Kira had first said she loved him began, he listened for a moment but could take it no more, collapsing on the floor sobbing as memories of Kira and his at that point, unborn child flooded his mind.

After what seemed like hours, long after the song had changed, Cat looked up, his eyes eventually focusing on a dusty guitar at the other end of the room, He stood up slowly and shakily made his way over to the folk guitar, which he had seen in pictures but was nothing like Lister's electric one, he picked it up and looked for the sockets to plug into the mains as Lister occasionally did when he wanted to REALLY annoy Rimmer, but there were none, he twanged a string and it released a tuneless sound.

Cat half smiled as he thought about how he already matched Lister's musical skill.

He took "Denver" the box of musical disks, the guitar and some "Teach Yourself To Play The Guitar" books that he had found near the guitar to his secret quarters in the supply decks.

Over the next few months especially he expended his grief and pain that way, becoming almost completely detached as Lister's pregnancy progressed he often thought of how Holly had conveniently forgotten Kira had ever existed even though she was always there… in Starbug, and Lister, he had probably thought it would cause him too much pain so didn't make that much of an effort to communicate when he carried the twins but after they were born then had to be taken back to the other universe the two had become close once again, comforting each other by just being there to listen or not, however the other felt.

When Starbug was stolen it was merely good luck that he had had his guitar with him at the time but he thanked Cloister every day that he had – he couldn't have bared to have lost his second lifetime and like he would have been dead playing Lister's monstrosity… Not that he had ever played it, he never had the time mostly because he was always busy avoiding been killed due to the other's actions or changing clothes and checking his hair, but then he really knew they were all excuses for not thinking he'd ever be able to play his music – and share his soul in front of another living being.


	2. Reality & Heart To Hearts

**Disclaimer: **Don't own red dwarf or Green Day music or owt like tha blah blah blah.

ooooh duh duh duh - here it is, at 11:15pm here it is Alex! (Thanks Laura, Bex and Sian also for reivews would write response but think mostly covered on msn - also hyper and talking horror wiith Lar on msn... mmmmm RE Zombies... right post this get noodles...)

Reality & Heart To Hearts

"Cat?" Cat snapped back too reality at the sound of Kira's voice and realised all the other in the doorway watching, and that he was half way through "Time Of Your Life" again – this time complete with vocals. He stopped abruptly and glued his eyes to the floor.

"Now THAT'S how to play the guitar Listy!" Rimmer smirked smugly, forgetting the mutual loathing between him and Cat, for the chance to tease Lister about his musical skill.

"He's alright I suppose – Not as good as me though." Lister protested moodily.

"Sir if I may be as so bold to enquire – have you gone completely tone deaf or something?" Kryten asked beginning to feel worried that last night's weevil al a curry has had some side effects.

"Awww shut up man – It's you who are all tone deaf." Lister stormed out like a man on a mission, closely followed by the fussing mechanoid and the (temporarily at least) smug hologram.

Kira walked softly across the room and sat down next to Cat, taking Dani from him gently in the process.

"That was beautiful, I never knew you could play – neither did they!" She added laughing, nodding her head in the direction of the bickering voices from down the corridor.

"No babe, I… I learnt on my own, years ago back o big Red, it started… just after… you know – It helped me to cope." Cat explained quietly, struggling to find the words.

"Oh Cat!" Kira leaned her head on his shoulder for comfort gently.

"Where'd you hear the song you played? It's by Green Day… I love them you know, classic and still just as cute… despite been dead 100 years – definitive rock band of the 21st century." Kira trailed of realising she was wittering, Cat smiled softly to himself, she had such cute habits.

"I found it in a box with "Denver" the shiny music player… thing." He mumbled as she lifted her head, her eyes meeting his. Cat raised a hand and gently ran it down Kira's silky auburn hair, the silence in the room being comfortable and soft as the two continuing to gaze at each other.

It was Kira who eventually spoke first, as Cat's information sunk to her brain and a small light pinged on in her mind.

"You found my music collection!"

"I…. I must have been attracted by your scent… but I don't remember it or anything clearly… I broke the box by accident… Cloister this is weird." Cat thought aloud as he lay back on the bed, Kira lying down next to him and curling up in his arms, with Dani snuggled between them.

"And I thought you… she was really just saying what I wanted." Cat breathed, running his finger down Kira's cheek.

"I can't believe it's really happened…"

"What? C? What are you talking about?" Cat blinked and turned away from Kira's blazing emerald eyes.

"It… doesn't matter babe."

"No. Come on – Spill." Kira insisted as she took hold of Cat's chin with her right thumb and finger, turning his head to face her. Cat looked at her deeply for a moment then took a deep breath.

"You remember Kryten told you all about his blob girl, Camille?"

"Yeah?"

"Well…"


	3. Flash Back II Camille

Disclaimer: Do you REALLY think Red Dwarf would be any good if I was it's creator?

Right well the word FINALLY springs to mind, but here it is! Reflections Part 3 (Alex bounces up and down insanly in the background) Hope you like it though its really bad and I hate it and there's continuity problems...AHHHHH... well anyway read on and I'll go copy up the final part which is a bit better content wise - and less of the romanticy smeg...

Flash Back II: Camille

Cat walked confidently into the Medi Bay to find there on the table, the image of his perfect mate – himself!

"Hey Buddy!"

"You're me!"

"Who else?"

"I'm the object of my own desire?"

"Is there anyone more deserving?"

"Well, if you put it like that, I guess you're right – DAMN my vanity!"

The two Cats gave each other a hi-five and our Cat glided out, passing Lister who had obviously been waiting for him. Lister began to follow Cat excitedly, questioning him as they walked.

"What did you see?"

"Oh just some gorgeous chunk of loveliness!"  
"Come on, what did you see?"

"Ohhhhh what a body!"

"What did you see?"

"My legs are still shaking!"

"CAT, what did you see?"

"Someone give me a brandy!"

Lister sighed and stopped following his friend, it was obvious he wasn't going to tell.

Cat continued his walk back to the supply decks in a daze, he eventually began to think of his plan for the immediate future – eat, nap, snack, maybe play some of his guitar…He stopped in mid step and thought deeply – If he was his own perfect mate, then what was Kira? He bit is lip as he said her name in his mind, it was like a door he had kept locked for so long was being opened and he needed to know why.

He spun on his heel and dashed back the way he had come.

He tentatively entered the Medi Bay and looked Camille – but she was nowhere to be seen. This confused Cat as her scent was reaching his nostrils easily… well his own – she was even able to recreate that!... But there was another scent – indescribable…

"Camille? Hey – where are you?" He called.

"I'm here." Came a reply in a female voice as a silhouette stepped forward from the shadows.

"What the smeg?..." Cat began in shock but trailed off, unable to make his emotions into words – or legible ones at least.

"I'm a pleasure GELF as you know, I was created to instantly become the perfect mate of your subconscious. Your desires are altering – Changing me, this should generally cause me to revert to my natural shape – A safety clause in case two or more different people are desired equally by someone. But this is different. Your deepest desire if for just one person you choose to forget – Something you are very adept at doing as my powers are highly complex, though your barriers are weakening." Camille finished her explanatory monologue and waited for a response.

Cat grinned cheekily. "I was with you all the way up to 'I'm'"

Camille sighed. "Your crewmates can be fooled but I can now see you as you are – Acting. You are vain, and self centred, but you are clever too, and caring and you choose to hide behind a veil and distance yourself. You say you don't care about them. You just don't want to care in case you loose them, just like you lost Kira.

Cat flinched at the sound of her name. "Don't you say all that psycho crap to me. - I don't care."

"But you do. – You always have." Cat closed his eyes as she spoke, her voice was becoming more like hers, and her scent! He couldn't have described the feeling it gave.

Eventually he opened his eyes, gasping in shock as he saw a pregnant Kira smiling at him softly.

"Hiya Cat." She cooed, stepping towards him, holding her swollen stomach.

"Get away – You're not her!" He screamed his voice raising dangerously in pitch.

"Babe it's me – I'm here!" She persisted gently.

"No… NO! You're not here – It's not you! You're saying what I want you to! You're lost… Dani's lost!" Cat sunk to his knees, forgetting the consequences the floor would have on his clothes.

"We're not lost – We're right here." She whispered, running a hand through Cat's hair, he moaned softly in response to her touch.

"You are. You are – And I can't save you! Your teachings were for nothing."

"No! – It wasn't – Can't you see? You'll save me – And Dani!" Cat felt his will against the illusion slipping as he took her hand stroking his hair and held it tightly.

"I loved… Love you I didn't know what love was… I had all these fantasies, and you changed them – made them all about you – You made me… better. I love you more… more than my suits!" Cat trailed off running his own free hand through his hair nervously.

"That's deep." Cat smiled at the response despite himself – It was exactly what Kira would say… Or was it? He didn't know anymore – He didn't know anything anymore. She leaned in to kiss him but Cat resisted.

"Cat we're meant to be together – We're soul mates!"

"You're not Kira and you don't know what she'd say – Neither do I! And that's all you are doing – Responding the way I want you to – You are not her!" Cat leapt to his feet and stormed out of the Medi Bay.

He ran down the corridors till he caught sight of himself in a mirror. Instead of checking his loveliness as he usually would, he just started at his reflection trying to see inside his own soul. He stared till his head ached and his mind hurt with all the thoughts and feelings swirling round. He raised his fist to smash the glass in desperation, but couldn't. Kira's words from long ago rang clear in his mind: _"Myths and mythology… Are you going to listen to me or not? Ok then, well there are loads of kinds of myths – like superstitions – People believe that they can get bad luck from certain things… Like walking under a ladder or breaking a mirror – That's 7 years" _She was guiding him – Even now. His arm fell limply by his side and he slowly tore himself away from the mirror, walking slowly towards Lister's quarters.

When he arrived the room was deserted – probably had all gone back to see Camille… Now he thought about it he did remember Lister passing him in the corridor when he was at the mirror.

Cat sighed and heaved himself onto the top bunk and closed his eyes, willing sleep to come and to dull the thoughts in his mind.

Eventually he managed to sleep, only to be awoken by the others coming in, wanting to chat about Camille. He tried to pay attention but his heart wasn't in it. Lister's statement about her not been able to control how she was seen made him think though.

He smelt her coming and bit her lip he wasn't sure how he'd react seeing her face again.

He blinked in shock as his own figure stepped through the doorway – How could Lister be right? He didn't care how Camille had done it but he was glad she had.

He watched as his own figure turned to him.

"Sorry Buddy." Cat felt his own features contort with anger.

"Heart breaker!" As Camille turned to Kryten and the two began to talk, the unfinished ending to the sentence swam uncomfortably round Cat's mind – _"You broke my heart Kira…"_


	4. Soul Mates

Hehe I thought i'd post it and get it over with! I don't know why I'm bothering though I can see people like Sian and Alex REALLY hate it! Well read on and there might even be another installement tonight, from either Trying Times or Red Dwarf - The Musical, or even the first chapter of Red Dwarf - Robot Wars, (set straight after Reflections)

Soul Mates

"Wow, that's… deep." Kira said softly as Cat finished his story and shifted his weight uncomfortably.

"…Yeah."

"Cat that wasn't me but I would have still said those things if I'd had the chance. I love you and Dani more than anything – You're my entire life purpose., and we've gotta be soul mates as I can't imagine it any other way. Kira finished her speech close to tears, hugging Dani closer to her chest. She then leaned in to Cat, kissing him lovingly.

"So." She said jokingly as they parted. "I mean more to you than your suits do?"

"Hey, so I exaggerated!" Cat replied grinning.

"Oi, you!" She smiled, punching him lightly in the arm. Cat responded by moving Dani to a safe place before pouncing on Kira playfully. He pinned her to the bed and the pair began a heated game of tonsil tennis. After a few moments Cat sighed and pulled away.

"What is it?" Kira asked as she ran a hand through her now dishevelled hair.

"The curry monster." Cat replied as Lister entered through the door, holding his own, self – customised guitar.

"Right – Let's see who's really the best." He challenged.

"Bud…" Cat sighed, shaking his head.

"No buts – This is WAR!"

"I didn't even say but…" Cat muttered shaking his head again but reaching for his guitar anyway – despite his better judgement.

"Watch how you play that thing or I'll kill you on grounds of air pollution."

"Don't take the smeg. I know you know this song anyway – I'll play the first verse – WITH singing, and you continue with the second." Lister then launched into a twangy and out of key rendition of the beloved Red Dwarf theme tune, with the continuous hollering backing from Dani and the occasional "Oh my GAWD!" from Cat.

"You think you can do any better?" Lister challenged as he finished.

"THINK? Buddy I KNOW!" Cat then softly strummed out the tune, the words flowing naturally.

"I'd like to lay shipwrecked and comatose,

Drinking fresh mango juice,

Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes,

Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun,

Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun."

"See! – No difference!" Lister cried as Cat reached the end of the tune.

The End


End file.
